Raise your hand if you know from experience that if left unaddressed, repeated small (and sometimes trivial) annoyances can collect and quietly kill the passion in your relationship.ย
๐๐ปโโ๏ธ๐๐ผโโ๏ธ๐๐ฝโโ๏ธ๐๐พโโ๏ธ๐๐ฟโโ๏ธ
๐๐ฟโโ๏ธ๐๐พโโ๏ธ๐๐ฝโโ๏ธ๐๐ผโโ๏ธ๐๐ปโโ๏ธ
In other words, resentment is real and can weigh heavy on a relationship. It can set off a downward spiral of emotions leading to passive-aggressive sarcasm, and even revenge. Picture a range of responses from something as trivial as ignoring empty toilet paper rolls (#TakeThat), to something as profound as withholding sex (#TakeThaaaaat).
Furthermore, resentment...
โฆis a selfish emotion that is born from what you want or need going unfulfilled.
...restricts perspective and prevents you from recognizing someoneโs positive attributes.ย
...manifests as persistent ill will toward its target.
Here's why it matters: Passion cannot coexist with resentment. If you want to protect your love life and your affection for one another, remember that each of us has a responsibility to ensure that the daily annoyances donโt add up to something much bigger and more damaging.
โก๏ธTAKEAWAYโก๏ธBe vigilant about your feelings of annoyance toward your partner over repeated behaviors or situations, and have the courage to address them before they add up and equal resentment.
Tips:
โDonโt make it personal. When we're annoyed, we tend to lead with โIโ and โyouโ statements (โI hate it when youโฆโ). Instead, rephrase with โwe." (โIt's hard to keep this clean if we donโtโฆ.โ)
โPick your timing wisely to set up the conversation for success. (Bad: Leading with criticism when they walk in after work. Good: Waiting.)
โHave them participate in the solution by asking for suggestions on addressing the issue after explaining how you feel and why. (Pro tip: Their solution may not be what you imagined...it could work even better!)
โAgree on a timeframe for them to adjust, and remember: Changes may not happen overnight. Appreciate their willingness to try.
โReinforce positive progress. Rewards arenโt just for dogs and children.
๐ฉFor more tips on having #crucialconversations like this, visit our website to download our "Guide to Conscious Compatibility"
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